Am I Wrong for Denying My Sister-in-Law and Lice-Infested Niece My Master Bedroom During Their Visit?

My spouse (35M) and I (30F) reside in a two-bedroom apartment. We’re preparing to host my sister-in-law (SIL) and my 5-year-old niece for a brief 3-4 day stay. I adore my niece; she’s a darling. The issue is her lice infestation.

Her parents—my SIL and brother-in-law, both physicians—seem unperturbed. They treat it with a standard shampoo and a cursory comb-through, deeming it “handled.”

I’ve never challenged them or remarked on the lice. Without children myself, I assume most parents would prioritize addressing lice swiftly, and I’d assist my own kid promptly.

I struggle with near-OCD tendencies. Disorder or uncleanliness, especially pests, sparks intense anxiety. During my last visit to their home, I took extreme precautions but still felt an overwhelming itch afterward, prompting daily hair checks and preventive lice shampoo upon returning.

For this visit, I was anxious but intended to cope by minimizing contact and washing their guest room sheets in hot water post-stay. I’m willing to endure the anxiety for my niece’s sake.

The conflict arose when my husband unexpectedly insisted they use our master bedroom instead. He argued, “They’re guests, they deserve comfort,” and “If the guest room is fine, why not use it ourselves?”

I declined for two reasons. First, the lice—while I planned to manage my unease, the idea of them occupying my bed, pillows, and linens for days triggers severe distress. Second, my personal items are stored there, and accessing them for four days would disrupt their stay.

My husband responded with gaslighting, claiming, “You’ve never liked my family,” “You might escalate the lice issue once they’re here, so maybe don’t invite them,” and “You’ll make the child feel bad about her lice.”

After holding firm, he proposed an alternative: I should stay at my parents’ house during their visit, and he’d handle hosting and cleaning. When I asked if he’d still offer the master bedroom, he confirmed, “Yes.”

I countered that I’ve never blamed the child or her parents directly. I fault the parents’ negligence. Lacking authority to treat my niece myself, I’m setting a boundary to manage the situation.

I find it unreasonable to be asked to surrender my bedroom or relocate to my parents’. Am I wrong for refusing to leave or let my SIL and niece use our master bedroom?

UPDATE:

Thanks to everyone for the feedback and insights into lice’s severity and contagiousness—it’s been eye-opening. I now see that using the guest room alone wasn’t enough.

I assumed lice spread only via head contact and didn’t realize how easily they transfer through bedding, furniture, or shared objects. (Having never dealt with lice and with few kids in our family, I underestimated its impact.)

I’ve decided to message my SIL for an update on my niece’s lice treatment, informing her we’re uncomfortable hosting until it’s fully resolved.

My husband, unaware of lice’s seriousness due to his lack of experience, now agrees after reading the comments. I’m still frustrated with him, but I’ll address that later.

For those asking: Her school doesn’t conduct lice checks or restrict attendance—it’s solely the parents’ responsibility. I’ll update once I hear back from my SIL.

Here’s what people had to say to OP: LindsayOG It seems you’re facing a husband issue more than a lice one. NTA.

CurrentTea3987 They shouldn’t even enter your home, let alone your bedroom.

Electrical_Welder205 I wonder how her teacher handles it. Are her parents even enrolling her in school?

somuchsong At my school, we can notify parents of lice but can’t exclude kids or send them home. We can only request treatment, which is up to them. Teachers might be limited here too.

Sheepdoginblack NTA. Why let them in at all? Tell your husband to crash at a flea-ridden motel since bugs don’t faze him.

Corpunlover If that happens, hubby needs lice treatment after they leave to avoid spreading it to you. This is a revolting situation. OP, NTA. Those parents are neglectful—wonder what else they ignore hygiene-wise.

adorableexplosion NTA. I’d fight tooth and nail over this! My bug phobia means no infested guests—stay home until lice-free. Hate me if you want.

popularzombie69 I’m stunned you’d let them in, let alone give up your room. NTA. It’s not just sheets—mattresses, floors, and furniture need deep cleaning. I have OCD too, so I get it. Poor niece—lice was humiliating as a kid. With specialty salons available, it’s shocking her parents only shampoo and comb. I’ve worked at daycares where chronic lice led to CPS calls when parents neglected treatment. I can’t believe no one else sees this as serious. Lice is no trivial matter.

So, what’s your take on this? If you could offer the OP advice, what would you suggest?